I’ve been away from my website for almost 3 months, and some of that was intentional, and a lot of it was not.  I had a bunch of technical problems that caused my website to be down for most, if not all, of this year so far, and we only were able to fix it today.  I suppose you live and learn, and hopefully that won’t be an issue ever again.  But beyond the technical issues, these last couple months that didn’t go quite the way that I had expected or planned.

From around Thanksgiving until just after Christmas, I was working on finalizing a location for my wellness center with my business partner.  As we entered negotiations with the landlord and came back with our lawyer-reviewed lease, things took a turn south, and both of us ended up not feeling good about the deal and we backed out.  This was the 5th or 6th place over the last 3 years that had fallen through for our location.  Although I had faith that it would work out, and I could see possibilities, my business partner decided it was time to part ways.

I was crushed.  Here I was, feeling like an engaged woman who was just having some trouble finding the right wedding venue, and I was proposing to my partner to do the equivalent of having a small ceremony in front of the justice of the peace, so we could at least get married and be together.  Why not just start smaller and have less overhead and just get this off the ground?, I suggested.  But her intuition told her differently.  I don’t know why we got different intuitive messages for the first time in forever (if ever; we’ve always been really in sync in that way).  But there we were, with her breaking up with me in my office.  I’m not going to lie; while I knew it would be ok, I cried for a couple days.  I grieved the loss of what we had worked so hard for, and for that level of partnership with her, that was no more.

I checked back in a few days later, and when I was clear it was really done, and that was that, I knew that I had to move forward.  I would be keeping the name and business, and she would start anew with another business partner.  I found the perfect location, I’ve got a couple investors interested, and potential practitioners are approaching me.  But I don’t have a partner right now, and I’m not sure if I will end up with one, or run the business by myself.  It’s left me in a place of vulnerability, but also one of purpose.

As scared or nervous as I am about taking on this kind of venture, I am also clear that this is part of my destiny, and I am divinely guided.  Ultimately faith trumps any kind of fear or worry.  Does that mean I don’t wonder about how this will all work out?  Of course not.  But every time I find my mind and ego going there, I remember my path.  I check in with my intuition.  And it really helps.

So did I expect to start out 2018 with a busted website and saying goodbye to my business partner?  Heck no.  Do I feel crazy overwhelmed at times?  Yes.  But it’s not up to me to figure out how exactly everything will work out.  It’s up to me to take each “right action” as one of my teachers, Gabby Bernstein, would say.  To connect to and rely upon God as a power higher than myself, and let God work out the details.  I have to show up each and every day, even when I want to hide or give up.  I don’t serve anyone if I don’t show up.  So I keep in mind all of those people that I will help by staying on path.  They’re the motivation for my daily choices, including what I eat, whether I exercise, or even whether I wear my mouth guard at night (man I hate that thing, but I definitely need it and it’s part of me taking care of myself properly).

Each fall the leaves release from the deciduous trees so that they may conserve their energy.  This helps them to be able to use all that potential energy of the winter to burst forth into the spring.  According to Chinese Medicine, we just entered the spring season around February 5th, and so I’d like to think that these changes I went through are merely the letting go of things that were holding me back in ways I can’t understand right now fully, so that I may burst forth like the new growths in spring.  This is the natural time of the year that I am the most alive- I’m really at my peak as winter transitions into spring.  I take all the ideas I’ve had in the winter and make them manifest in the spring.  So here’s to the new Willow and Oak Wellness Center.  It won’t look exactly like I thought it would, but it will be perfect and exactly where I’m meant to be when it opens.  I will manifest the money, people, and resources I need, because I’m not truly doing this alone.  I just need to keep the faith.

Do you feel called to do something and you’ve been holding back out of fear?  Did things not go the way you’ve planned recently and you’ve felt a little lost?  I’ve read some colleagues who’ve had similar types of things happen lately- a breakup with a fiance, business plans taking a turn, or feeling extremely unsure of themselves.  Gabby Bernstein quotes the metaphysical text, A Course in Miracles, to state that fear is a sure sign that we are relying on our own strength.  Have faith, and surrender to a higher power of your own understanding.  Let God take care of the details.  Don’t exert your plans as being better than what the Universe has in store for you.  Assert what you want, and leave the details up to be manifested in a way that only God knows.  Each day, in those moments when you are scared, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and ask how you may be of service to the highest good of all.  Then listen to what comes, and do that.  Wait for the next instruction and then repeat.  This keeps us on track with our spiritual path and destiny, and leaves little room for doubt.  Fear begins to dissipate when you know you are guided.

We can roll with change when we don’t get fixated on the details.  Our dreams require our flexibility for them to manifest.  It’s not on our timeline, it’s not necessarily in the way we thought, but if it is truly our path, then it will happen.  Just keep showing up every day.

I believe in you,

Jen

xoxo