This Friday, December 21st, is the winter solstice. In Chinese Medicine, this is considered to be the peak of the winter season (yes, peak…not the start), and the most yin time of the year.
What are the properties of yin? Dark, feminine, mysterious, passive, softness, nighttime, downward or inward seeking, quiet, and slowness, to name a few. There is no yin without yang, so even at this time of the year that is the most yin, it does not mean there is no yang to go along with it. Our society celebrates many holy days (holidays) at this time of the year; this makes sense from the perspective of celebrating the light amidst the darkness- the hope and miracles that can occur with the blessings of God- be it oil that lasted eight days, the birth of a Savior, or the harvests and candle lighting of Kwanzaa. However, many of these holidays come with the pressure to buy, to attend many parties, and to be more outward and yang than this season usually calls for.
So how does one “be” with the winter energy, to best enhance and cultivate the yin, and not become a total recluse? It’s all about balance, as you may guess. Over the years, I have shifted to more yin ways of shopping; I do most of my shopping online, asking people to share wish lists so there is less thinking for me involved, but I know that I’m getting them something they’d like. If I happen to be out at a store and stumble across a gift I think a family member or friend would love, I get it, happy to have found it. But the days of perusing the mall are over for me, and highly introverted me is pretty happy about that. I still do some shopping in stores, but there’s much less pressure than there used to be. In my family we have also cut down on the number of people we buy gifts for, which has also reduced stress. On my husband’s side, we only buy gifts for immediate family, and extended family does a secret santa. On my side, we do a gift game for $10 presents on both my dad’s extended family side and for all of my half-siblings and their kids. And my “full” sister and brother decided they want us all to just give gifts to the kids instead of each other. While I am going a little rogue this year and giving some small gifts to them, because I do love gift giving, it does reduce the pressure to find something perfect, and instead, anything extra I do is a bonus. So ask yourself how you may be able to reduce or simplify gift giving in your family. Do you tend to go overboard and spend too much, or have someone who is impossible to shop for? Are there way too many cousins and kids on the lists? Maybe the kids could do a gift game, or everyone could do a secret Santa. Get creative with it, and see how you can bring more yin to gift giving.
Another way that I have been cultivating more yin in my holidays is to be selective in which holiday events to attend, and for how long. If I am invited to many celebrations, it doesn’t mean I have to go to all of them. Do you go to a celebration because you feel you “have to” but you dread it and count the minutes until it is over every year? Or do you think you don’t like it but every time you go you secretly have a blast or love being surrounded by family? For the first question- if you’re dreading it- and you see no usefulness in it and it drains you…then don’t go. Send your regards, and stay home or do something else that fuels you. Reserve your energy for the events that bring you alive. If you secretly enjoy being around loved ones but there are a couple cousins or relatives that annoy you…look, that’s most of us, right? So reframe your mindset…focus on the fun memories you have of these events, and don’t worry about what that relative is going to say or do. Decide to participate in that sing along, or have some wine, or remember the funny things your aunt says when she has a little too much to drink while “helping” out in the kitchen. These memories are what make the holidays.
The last thing to do to help cultivate yin energy and celebrate the wintertime is to create your own ritual for this time of the year, whether it is for the solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year, or just the season in general. Some people already create a ritual around the New Year, where they let go of things in the year that is ending that they don’t want to carry forward, and state their intentions and “resolutions” for the coming year. Letting go of what does not serve is a great way to enter the year, and can be a part of a meaningful ritual. While you can feel free to come up with a ritual that resonates for you, here is a suggested yin-embracing ritual:
- Take out a piece of paper, and write down all of the things you’d like to let go because they no longer serve you, regardless of whether it’s something that came into your life this year or well before that. Give yourself some space between the items you write down, because after you are done, you will cut each item out into its own little piece of paper.
- Once you have gathered all of the pieces, take out a candle, and light it. One by one, burn each piece of paper (do this in a safe location; you’re certainly welcome to use a fire pit or fireplace instead of a candle), imagining each thing you wrote down being released as it burns. Be very intentional with this; read the words and then burn it, or you can even choose to read the words out loud, and as it burns, say “I release this” (or “I release you” or “this is no longer a part of my life” or any other phrase that resonates).
- After you have burned all of the pieces of paper, hold the candle and take some time with it, looking at its bright light in the darkness. You can turn down the lights if desired. Notice that the flame burns strong and illuminates everything around it. You are like this light; your energy, your being, your presence…it all matters and has the ability to shine and inspire.
- Envisioning yourself as the light, now state either internally or out loud, your intentions for this year. It can be a single word that will be a theme for the year, or it can be a list of things you are inviting in for the days and years to come, whether those are personal traits, experiences, or physical items.
- When you have completed this, thank a higher power of your understanding for these things you’ve invited in, as though you have already received them. Then, in gratitude, blow out the candle.
I hope this ritual serves, and these tips to cultivate more yin energy will help you stay a little more sane this holiday season. If you try any of them out, leave a comment and let me know!
Happy holidays and New Year,
Jen
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