As I wrote in my last post, I feel like having gone through a challenging season in my life has caused me to connect “to my humanness in a way that perhaps only suffering can bring.”
The Oxford dictionary defines “suffer” as to “experience or be subjected to (something bad or unpleasant)” or to “tolerate.” While in the past few months, I’d say I met the technical definition of suffering, I do not feel I truly embodied suffering. Let me explain. To embody suffering, you need to attach a charged emotion to the suffering — something that does not serve you. When you look at each experience in life as a learning or lesson, then whatever comes your way will always serve you. Therefore, you will never truly embody and carry suffering. The technical definition of suffering will be with you for a short time or a season of your life; it is up to you whether or not you choose to embody suffering and carry it with you the rest of your life. When we play the victim, we embody suffering. When we choose to say how we have been dealt a bad hand in life, we embody suffering. When we complain and resign ourselves to the idea that this is just how things are, we embody suffering.
Choosing not to embody suffering is a conscious action.
When each part of my challenges arose, I asked myself what lesson this was teaching me. Even though some of the things I went through were painful, and I allowed myself to grieve them, or to feel anger, or any other emotion that arose, feeling emotions and embodying and carrying those emotions are different things. Feeling the emotions – allowing them to arise, and move through you, is a healthy expression of these energies. The emphasis, as I put in the sentence before this, is on movement. When we allow energy to stagnate, to circulate, or to otherwise remain stuck, it begins to live and settle in our bodies. When energy does not properly flow, it becomes dis-ease. This manifests as symptoms in our body, mind, and/or spirit.
Being trapped in a victimhood mentality costs more than your mental health. It can grow to manifest as physical or spiritual symptoms, such as shoulder pain, heart palpitations, back pain, digestive issues, or feeling disconnected from your life purpose, just to name a few.
So what are some tools to help you properly move energy, and choose not to embody suffering?
- Declare that you are willing to and choosing to allow the energies and emotions to rise within you and to move through you. Being open to feeling emotions that may be uncomfortable for you is a bold and brave act. It requires that you actively claim your willingness to be vulnerable or even feel out of control.
- Physically move your body. Exercise and dance help to boost endorphins, the feel good chemicals, in your body, and it also helps energy not to stagnate. When we are sad, it may be the last thing we feel like doing, but dancing to some upbeat music or going on a run can help you naturally get out of that rut.
- If you’re angry or frustrated, yell, punch, or throw stuff. Move that anger and frustration by allowing yourself to actually express it. Instead of cursing out someone, like you might want to do, scream and curse the imaginary version of them out while you’re by yourself in your car, or yell into a pillow. Say all of the things you feel you need to, in as nasty of a language as you need to. Throw in all the explicatives, punch a punching bag or pillow if you feel like hitting something, and just get it all out. There’s really something to the whole primal scream movement that went on in the 1960’s. From the depths of your soul and your gut, move that energy. Anger and frustration are not “bad” energies or emotions. They are just a normal expression and by allowing yourself to feel it and not judge yourself for being angry or frustrated, you help the energy to move and not get stuck in your body, mind, and spirit.
- Do breathwork. There are some amazing breathwork practices out there to help move energy. I have cried and released so much from breathwork in a way that I haven’t done with any other modality. I’ve been studying them more in depth and I’m excited to continue to study over the next year or so to teach you about some of the various methods I’ve learned. Previously I’d gained so much from Kundalini Yoga, which incorporates a lot of breathwork, and it still is an amazing resource for me; and there are so many other styles of breathwork that do everything from help you to deeply move energy, to feel more energized, or to feel relaxed. One of the easiest beginner breathwork practices to start with. Place your hand on your belly and breathe in deeply, watching the hand move away from the spine as your belly gets bigger as the lungs expand. Exhale, and push all of the air out of your lungs, watching your hand move closer to the spine and your belly shrink. If this is challenging enough and you feel like you’re normally doing the opposite of “belly breathing,” then start here and just practice belly breathing. If this feels comfortable, then continue to the 4-4 method. Inhale for 4 counts, then exhale for 4 counts. Once you are used to that, you can play with pausing for 2-4 seconds between inhales and exhales. If the breathwork feels challenging, stay with it as best you can, or take a break to breath more slowly for a few seconds or minute, and come back as you can. If you are more advanced, there are some truly moving practices you can explore, and I hope to share more with you in the future.
- Avoid sugar, fried foods, alcohol, and drugs. As tempting as it is, do your best not to eat, drink, or otherwise numb yourself to the pain you’re experiencing. You may experience temporary relief, but it becomes harder and harder to get out of the mindset that makes you more prone to embodying suffering. To give yourself a fighting chance to come out of your challenges stronger, do your best to avoid these foods and substances. This particular point is the most challenging for me personally. Sugar is an addiction, and when times get tough, I tend to reach for sugar. But the short-term high has a long-term consequence.
Note that if you struggle with addiction, whether it is to a legal or illegal substance, it may be exacerbated if you do not have a good support structure in place. Ask yourself if you have any friends or others you can go to if you’re experiencing tough emotions that you are having a hard time coping with. Make sure you also have a good professional healthcare team that you rely on to help you through your addiction. This may be compromised of a therapist and/or psychiatrist, an acupuncturist, your primary care physician, and other health professionals. You don’t have to go through these emotions alone.
- Ask your community for help. It is easier to go through challenges when we have community – people who are our family, friends, colleagues, worship communities and others who are there to listen and help us through. We have to be willing to ask for help – a listening ear, a comforting hug, or whatever else we need – from those who love us and that are there to support us.
This is certainly not a comprehensive list. You may have your own things you do to help when you’re feeling stressed or down, and I’d love to hear them. I recently read a quote that I posted on my social media by Emily Coxhead that I found posted on I Weigh’s social media:
That quote really struck a chord with me, because like many of you I’m guessing, sometimes that silly parrot/devil/ego steps in and says, “you’re not doing enough.” It is a balancing act for sure; we must both respect our need to grieve, experience loss or change, or express any of the emotions, yet we also must not stay in inaction or paralyzed. The truth is, some days are amazingly productive and I’m really pleased with what I’ve gotten accomplished. Other days, my best is spending time making silly filter videos on Instagram with my kids and baking “healthy” cupcakes (which honestly, are not all that great…lol) and staying up past midnight finally binge watching the rest of a tv show season that makes me laugh. Beating myself up for taking an extra week to get out this blog post when it was already written and “all I had to do” was basically cut and paste is not helpful. If I hadn’t taken that extra week, I wouldn’t have found that quote, and you may not be reading this part of the blog. And things happen in due time. So I say all this to hopefully make the point to be gentle with yourselves, and enjoy the gifts of this time, even if they aren’t all completely filled with joy. Use the practices above to help you when things feel tough. Each day we are alive and breathing is a gift, and we can all help each other get through this new challenge we are facing on a global level. I wish you health and inner peace, and know that I am sending you all love.
xo,
Jen
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