Now that most of us are at least a month in to quarantine, the newness of it has started to wear off. Some people were initially excited to be home, whereas others were stressed. Some already worked from home, but don’t have full freedom to leave the house as they may have before. Essential workers are still going to their jobs, but with a higher level of stress. For all of us, change is here to stay for a while yet. So after a month of dealing with kids, or being around your partner all the time, or being alone, how do you stay sane?
First, let’s cover the groups this article is not best suited for…
For those who are first responders and essential employees, you need to take care of yourselves, and do whatever you can to de-stress after your work day. That can mean taking a shower, using essential oils, or just watching your favorite TV show after work. Minimally, make sure you get enough sleep because that will help you more than anything else. We thank you so much for your service and appreciate you deeply. Keep doing all you can. This article is not for you, because you are out there still working and we love you for it. You don’t need these tips below right now. You need self-care. You may need mental health therapy, and please seek it out if you do. You are strong, but you don’t have to do this alone. We love you.
For those who have lost family members or friends during this pandemic, you also need to tend yourselves. As I write this, one of my best friends is recovering from the coronavirus, but she’s recovering. One of our other friends was in a coma in the hospital, but he was released last week and is also recovering. I have the fortune of not having lost anyone I know yet. However, many of my friends have lost family members or friends. This virus is terrible, and I cannot fathom how you must feel. You too, like essential employees, must focus on self-care and mental health. You must also express your grief fully so it can move through you. Please tend yourselves. We are holding you in our thoughts and prayers. Once you move through the grief and find your way back to some kind of semblance of a conscious existence, if you find the tips below helpful, please follow them. Especially follow #2 however; you must give yourself the grace and patience and tenderness you deserve.
If you have lost your job and have no source of income, you need to focus on getting work or unemployment payments above all else. Basic needs must be met; seek out options for you, such as food pantries if you need food. There are many delivery service companies and grocery stores that are hiring right now, and you may need to apply for one of those jobs to do while we are all still in quarantine if you are able. This article is not for you, because you need to spend all of your energy making sure you can get through this.
I am praying for all of you in the groups mentioned above, and my heart is truly with you. I cannot imagine what you are going through or seeing on a daily basis. I acknowledge you, and pray this ends soon, before we lose many others.
For those of us who are working from home and are not currently grieving the loss of a loved one or are not being threatened financially to the point where you cannot have your basic needs met…
…this article is for you, because your regular schedule and way of doing things has changed. The initial shock and chaos that may have been in your house is now wearing off. If you haven’t already done so, here are some things you can do to help find your “new normal” until this is over:
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- Create a new routine. This is not negotiable, unless you are into chaos and drifting; while that’s fine for a couple weeks, most of us don’t thrive in that kind of environment. If you’re working at home like me, keep the same hours you had while you were working, and keep clear boundaries. If possible, work in a separate room, like a home office, but if you have a small space like an apartment that you share with others, create your own space, even if it’s at a table or desk, where no one is to bother you during your working hours. As a mom to two little kids, I know this doesn’t mean interruptions won’t happen, but if you tell them you’re working and to go in the other room, they’re more likely to understand and give you a little more peace (well, more than normal…real talk, my kids come down to my home office every single morning I’m there and like to cuddle…so I build in some cuddle breaks, and work it into my day). Obviously if you’re a single parent with kids, or in a home where both parents work, this is more challenging than not, but if there is a way to shift your hours from your partner slightly so you can get at least a couple hours a day where the other parent can watch the kids while you work uninterrupted, or if you can give your kids things to do that will keep them occupied, then do so. For single parents with babies or very young kids and no other support, please ignore me, and do whatever you can, however you can do it and know that my prayers are with you. Just work during their naps, park little ones in front of the TV, and do what you can. I acknowledge my privilege of having kids that are old enough to use the potty themselves and generally keep each other entertained, as well as having a partner who can take care of them and has a more flexible work schedule, which makes life a whole heck of a lot easier than the life of a single parent.
- Don’t be hard on yourself. If your kids are now watching more TV or playing more games than they ever have before, just so you can get some work done, that is ok. If you made a bunch of sugary confections and binge ate them because of stress, that is ok. If you’ve gained weight, not worked out in weeks, and not gone outside in a month, that is ok. You. Are. Human. We are going through something extraordinary, and we need to give ourselves the flexibility to experience our humanness. This means sometimes we take the lazy route because we need to. It means that sometimes we numb ourselves because it’s too much to feel it all. It means that when there is disorder in the world, we see it reflected in ourselves. Forgive yourself in this unusual time. Let yourself be, and when you have the energy, strength, or resources, know that you’ll do better.
- Spend time in nature if you are able. Not everyone has access to parks or nature, but if you do, and if you can safely enjoy them, please do so. Nature is so healing, and the brightness of the spring flowers and green grass and budding trees is especially lifting to the spirit right now. While the weather in Maryland where I am is kind of all over the place and unusually a little cold lately, it is still healing to spend even a few moments outside. If you cannot get outside, open a window if you have one, and at least experience fresh air and the breeze. Fresh air can naturally help refresh the energy in your home that becomes stagnant over time when there is no current. So do some of that natural spring cleaning by opening the windows as you can (even if you *can* get outside)!
- Create something. I don’t mean this in a push yourself and go nuts sort of way, but in an expressive or receptive one. One of the greatest gifts of this year for me is learning to relax into my path, rather than trying to force it, and that primarily revolves around *how* I create. Each day, I see what wants to be birthed or come through. Sometimes it’s just writing down inspiration or notes for a project. Sometimes it is making something with my kids. Often it is creating new recipes or writing blogs like this. For you it may be writing down your life experiences during this unique time, learning how to paint, playing that instrument that has been in your house collecting dust, or working on that project you said you’d get to “some day.” Most of us have a little more time now, whether that is saving time you otherwise would have had to spend on your commute, or gaining several hours a week because a part-time endeavor is not essential and you are unable to pursue that work right now. Expressing yourself through creation is a beautiful thing, and in our normal lives we don’t often afford ourselves as much time as we’d like to make the things that cause our heart to sing.
- Clean your house. Yes, I said it. Cleaning not only can help some people feel like they have control over something in this time where nothing seems fully under control, but it’s also good feng shui. Feng shui is a Chinese system for creating an energetically supportive home so the people who live or spend a lot of time in that home have abundance and good luck in all areas of their lives. Given you are spending more time in your home now, it is even more important for your home to feel like it has good energy that supports you. While I could write for days about feng shui tips, one of the basic tenants of feng shui is that you should avoid clutter. That way the energy in your home can flow freely, which helps your health, your love life, your finances, your career, and much more. I think we all want more positive energy in those areas! Start by getting rid of the junk- while we may not be able to easily dump it off at the Goodwill/Salvation Army right now, if you’ve got a bunch of things that are cluttering your space that you no longer love, then put them in a box off to the side of your home or in a garage, and when we are all free to roam, donate them. Clean the rooms and surfaces in your home after you’ve gotten rid of what you no longer love, open the windows like I mentioned earlier, and feel the fresh, vitalizing energy enter and flow through your home!
- Daily exercise. You don’t need a gym to exercise. You don’t even need to go outside. Moving your body daily, ideally for about 30 mins, can help improve your mood immensely. One of the things I’ve been doing lately comes from Dave Hollis, who talks about habit stacking. He does 20 pushups every time he goes to the bathroom, which is around 10 times a day (he drinks a lot of water). Therefore, he ends up doing around 200 pushups a day in addition to his daily workouts. I’m not that advanced as far as pushups go, but for the last few days I’ve been doing other things when I go to the bathroom. After I’ve used the bathroom and washed my hands, I do 15 squats and 5 regular pushups (not on my knees). I started out the first day or two just doing 10 squats and that was it. Every 3-4 days, I will bump up what I do, and see where it gets me. After 6 days, I can already see more definition in my legs, and I can tell it’s getting easier for me to do both the squats and the pushups. It’s a little way to add in some exercise to each day, and it can be whatever you want. My husband, after hearing about me doing exercises, decided to start doing pushups and bicycle crunches. You can choose whatever you’d like, but it’s again a way to train yourself to get in exercise and it spaces it throughout the day. Of course there are plenty of free exercise videos on YouTube that you can do in the comfort of your home, using just your own body weight or using free weights, resistance bands, jump ropes or other items you may have in your home (collecting dust, perhaps? lol). Whatever floats your boat, do it! Dance parties to your favorite music? Heck, yes! Chasing your kids around the yard? Totally! Get creative and have fun. You’ll feel better and have more energy, and that in turn will motivate you to keep it up.
Look, as I write this, my 3 year old is repetitively pushing on a My Little Pony toy that sings songs over and over, and he doesn’t even let the pony sing more than 1 second of each song. Every hour, that same child is crying because his big sister pushed him or won’t let him do anything, or my 7 year old daughter is tattling that her brother did something he wasn’t supposed to. There are toys on the floor, books piled up, and some days we are down to pretty much no fresh vegetables and I have to make a meal out of whatever randomness is left until our next delivery arrives. My daughter is supposed to start home schooling officially the day this article gets released, and that will require us to find yet another new normal. I get that it’s not an easy time. What I can guarantee, however, is that if we just let ourselves coast and stay out of rhythm, and don’t create some sense of normalcy, or give ourselves some sort of purpose during this crazy time, we will be worse off. There will always be a little chaos; that’s just how the world works. We get to choose how much of that chaos we add to by allowing ways of being that don’t serve us. I hope the tips I detailed above help you to feel like maybe things aren’t so bad, or maybe that this time can be a blessing. What I mean by saying the latter- that this time can be a blessing- is that for some of us, this time is the gift we’ve been asking for. It’s more time with our families. It’s more time to actively pursue the things we’ve been putting off until “some day.” It doesn’t mean we have to dive in with insane fervor, however. What I’ve been doing is just allowing myself to move more slowly, much like the world right now. Each day, I create something small. I stop putting pressure on myself to create or do more. I feel like for the first time in my life, I am truly taking the baby steps, and being okay with small, consistent progress, rather than forcing myself to do something big and elaborate. My adrenals feel like they are coming back down after being pushed so hard for years. I’ve gained 15 more hours a week without my acupuncture practice and wellness center to run that I can spend with my kids, or home cooking every meal. It doesn’t mean I’m not worried about my business, or that I necessarily want this to last forever; but it is a chance for me to examine what habits and things I want to return to once this quarantine ends. As Dave Hollis said a couple weeks ago and is well worth repeating:
I’m using this time as a way to move more intentionally and purposefully towards my goals and dreams, and allowing it to move as slowly as it needs to. I’m adding in habits bit by bit that support my overall health and not beating myself up that I “should” be doing more. I’m spending more time with my family and enjoying the extra nights curled up watching a movie with freshly popped popcorn. I’m enjoying hearing my husband be excited about a project he’s been working on that is driving his creativity. I’m cherishing the peacefulness of the neighborhood, the brightness of the grass, and the pop of color that the bluebird that visits our yard every day has against its backdrop. I’m allowing myself to feel the excitement when a new recipe I am testing is so tasty and awesome that I can’t wait to share it with you all. Everything is moving slower, and I’m allowing it all, and that to me, is truly what being in the flow is all about. I’m finding a new rhythm and a new normal, and settling in.
I hope that each of you are able to find that new rhythm for yourselves, and that you are able to glean some lessons and gifts from this time in the unknown. If you have tips of your own, please feel free to share! Above all else, be gentle with yourselves, and take it one day at a time. That’s all any of us can do.
With love,
Jen
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